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Sister 2 Sister
Q: One of my best friends just broke off a
courtship. She is hurt, he is hurt, the families are hurt, I’m hurt! I
really believed in courtship; I thought it worked. Now I don’t know what
to think. It seems that all I’ve been hearing about lately are broken courtships,
and I am getting very cynical! For years now I have been “saving
myself”, physically and emotionally, for my future husband. Now I’m wondering:
is courtship worth it?
A: Good question! I, too, have been hearing an awful lot of “courtship horror stories” lately; broken engagements, ruined relationships, hurt feelings. It’s temping to be cynical and give up courtship as being more trouble than it’s worth. After all, isn’t the point of courtship to avoid the hurt feelings and emotional roller-coasters that accompany traditional dating? No! That isn’t the point of courtship; or at least, it shouldn’t be. This is reality we’re living in, and courtship involves human beings. The last time I checked, people were still selfish, emotional, fickle—in short, imperfect—creatures! As long as courtship involves imperfect people, courtship itself will be imperfect. As long as courtship is a relationship between emotional beings, courtship will be emotional. As long as courtship is a relationship between emotional beings, courtship will be emotional. So the lofty idea that courtship makes relationships easy and painless is inherently flawed! If you rely on courtship to protect you from difficult and sometimes painful emotions, you will be disappointed. So what is the point of courtship? Well, one of its main purposes is to let two people to figure out if they’re right for each other. What if two people enter a courtship and discover they’re wrong for each other? Better a broken courtship than a broken marriage! That’s why it is so important to seek God’s will in a courtship relationship; not only through prayer, but also by going to parents and other trusted people for advice. Really, courtship is just a name for seeking God’s will in an important part of our lives. Trying to figure out what God wants us to do isn’t something we should wait to start doing until we’re ready to marry! And it isn’t something we should leave out of relationships either. Is courtship worth it? Well, is God God? Are His ways better than our ways; His thoughts higher than our thoughts? Does He know what He’s talking about? Then go obey Him. Don’t “do courtship” to take the easy way out, because
it’s not. Do it because God has a better plan; because He has things for
you to do while you’re single and He doesn’t want you wasting your time
in unfruitful relationships. Do it because God has The Right One picked
out for you already and you’re trusting Him to bring you together in His
time.
Q: What do you do when your friends come to
you with their problems? I have several friends who tell me all their problems,
and I’m not sure of the best way to help them.
A: As long as they aren’t confiding in you when they should be confiding in their parents, the best advice I can give you is to pray for and with them. Jesus said that when two or more are gathered together, He will be there. He’s much better at giving advice than we are, and as James said, He gives wisdom to all men generously. The second most important thing is listening! Usually that’s all people want or need; as they “bounce” their ideas and problems off of you, they arrive at their own conclusions. Don’t give advice directly unless directly asked for it. Instead, ask questions to help them come to your you’re the right conclusion on their own. We all like ideas much better when we think we came up with them ourselves! And most importantly, pray for and with them. Jesus said that when two or more are gathered together, He will be there. He’s much better at giving advice than we are, and as James said, He gives wisdom to all men generously. Do you need some sisterly advice? Send your questions to: Christiana, 15241 N 90th Ave, Peoria, AZ 85381. Or e-mail them to christianamag@juno.com |
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