Dear Friends,

I hope this letter finds you well, and rejoicing in His love. I know this letter is coming to you a couple of months later than expected. My parents wisely advised me to start Christiana in March instead of January. Hopefully I will be a little more organized and be able to get the issues out in a more timely fashion for the rest of the year.  I am learning a lot about responsibility and organizing my time. 

These past couple of months have been a whir for me, so much has happened, and the Lord has been stretching me beyond what I ever could have imagined. I have been broken in many different ways, so that the Lord would be free to make me into the clear shining vessel that He desires me to be. I can tell you one thing for sure; being broken is not much fun! But it is worth it. For it is only when we are broken of any will of our own, that we can be made in tune with God's perfect will. Often I get frustrated with myself, because it seems that I have so many flaws that I cannot, and don't know how to survive. So I try to fix those flaws, in my own strength, and I always fail. There is no possible way that I can fix those flaws, it is only the Lord who is capable of doing it. My mom used this illustration; I am a pot that has cracks all over it. I can tape up those cracks by myself, so that nobody would see them, or I could rely on the Lord, and let His light shine through my cracks, so that He can make me a transparent vessel for Him. 

One of my biggest flaws is organization. I am an extremely right-brained person; organization comes about as easily to me, as calculus does to a koala bear. (OK, maybe that is not the best illustration) Because of this flaw, I have a lot of trouble with things. I struggle to keep my bedroom clean, organizing my time so I finish projects on a timely basis, remembering appointments etc. I have always envied people who seem to have everything together, a file system for all their letters, a notebook of goals and ideas, (which of course is put neatly on their bookshelf along with journals in chronological order from the time they were seven up to the current date, all of which are free of dust, and they always know where they are, because they always put them back where they belong.) They also have a strict daily schedule, so that everything gets done, plus more, and everything has a place and everything is in its place. I have always been envious of people like that (my sister is one of those people.) I always assumed that there war something wrong with me. So I tried to fix whatever it was that was wrong with me. Guess what! It didn't work! It has taken me a long time to realize why it didn't work. It was because I was trying to do it by myself. The Lord was waiting for me to admit that I couldn't do it on my own strength, and that I needed His help. It has been a very humbling experience, I am realizing all of my inadequacies, but the Lord has given me so much grace. He is slowly molding me into the person He wants me to be. But it is taking time, sometimes I get impatient, and want the results now, but I am reminded that it is a process. I used to try to do algebra like that; (I always disliked algebra.) I tried to come up with the answer without doing the equation first, and even though I was confident that I had the right answer, my mom would have me do them all over again, telling me the only way to do them correctly was, to go through the process. I remember thinking what a pain that was, but it was the only way for me to learn what she was trying to teach me. So the Lord is reminding me that this is a process too. If I just became organized all of the sudden, with no pain, or struggle involved. Then how could I ever have empathy for others who are going through the same thing? Isn't it amazing that the Lord still uses us in spite of our faults?!  "And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." II Cor 12:9 

The Lord has been showing me so much lately, His word is so rich! I have also been reading 'The Shadow of the Almighty." by Elisabeth Elliot. It is the biography of her late husband Jim Elliot. This is probably my forth time reading the book. If you have never read it I strongly urge you to find a copy. In the world's eyes this man didn't accomplish much, he died at the age of 29, and most people would say that he died in vain. His whole goal was to glorify the Lord whether that be in life, or in death. The book is made up mostly of his journals and letters. He is a person that most of us can relate to, he had struggles, he went through times where he felt spiritually dead, but the Lord helped him to overcome. He has an amazing testimony. He died for the sake of Christ. This book will really get you thinking about your own life. Are you willing to give all of yourself for Jesus? Am I willing? It is an awesome thought, to think that the Lord chose us! We are His children, but do we act like it? We are called to be His ambassadors to the world. We are to show forth His love to others. Sometimes it is not easy. Some people are easier than others to show Christ love to. I come across all kinds of people at the bank, I might wait on an older grandmotherly type person, who smells of soap and cologne, who is wearing a smile, and lots of costume jewelry. It would be easy for me to smile at her and give her the best service. But when someone comes in, smelling like smoke, alcohol, sweat and other body odors, my first impulse is to step back, and keep as far away as possible. But that is not treating them as Jesus would. He has no respect of persons, so I shouldn't. I am no better than that person with greased hair, and foul smelling clothes. The Lord loves them, just as much as He loves me. I may be the only Christian they ever come in contact with, what kind of representation of Christ am I going to be?  How would Jesus act if He were in my place? 

I am not there yet, I know that! I have numerous faults, and problems, misconceptions etc. But I am reaching for the goal, the high calling of Jesus Christ. May He be our Vision only, so that we will be completely satisfied with Him. 

In the Clutches of the Cross, 

B a c k   t o   T o p