“Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.” Ephesians 3:20

In the spring of 1992, at my first Basic Seminar, the Lord led me to give the area of dating, courtship, and marriage completely to Him. It was then that I made the commitment to trust God for a life partner. That is the first “spiritual marker” in the journey that I am about to tell.

Later, as I got older and dating became an issue for me, the Lord led me to do something else. That was to give my heart to my father. That meant that Dad and I had an “on call” commitment, which allowed me to share my heart with him at any time. I willingly placed myself under his authority, protection, and leadership. Basically, when I did that, it meant that my heart was my Dad’s, and it would not be given to another until he released it. As a symbol of that commitment I wear a “courtship ring” on my left hand and he holds a key that reads “My Whole Heart... Love Emily.” That has meant the world to me. Although it was hard at times to be completely honest with Dad about my heart, I knew that I was loved and protected by him.

In February of 1995, a group of ALERT men came to our area for a few months, to get training under an ATI father in the field of aviation. In my heart, one young man, Lonnie Lucius, stood out as one of great maturity, integrity, character. He had a very obvious, close walk with the Lord. Although I was not attracted to him at the time, I knew that this young man from Atlanta, Georgia was a “jewel” and a precious "gem."

In the three years that followed, our family has kept in touch with him, and he with us. We corresponded through letters and enjoyed each other’s company on Knoxville trips, where we met his family, and other occasional trips that he made to Louisiana. It was during that time that his character attracted and drew me even more. In my heart I grew quite attached to him. Because of the commitment that Dad and I had, I went to him many times to let him know how I was feeling and thinking. He was the wise father who prayed with and for me and directed me back to serving the Lord.

It was such a struggle for me because I saw in Lonnie many qualities that I have prayed for in a husband. I had to remain pure in my heart and thoughts toward him, and that was a challenge. Throughout our friendship, he has been very pure towards me in that he has never flirted, defrauded me, or led me on in any way. That, in a way, made it hard because I had all those feelings and thoughts and as far as I knew, he had none. My parents raised me with the correct mindset that the man was the initiator in a relationship and since that was not happening, I had to give all of my thoughts and expectations to God.

The hardest struggle was last year when he came for a few days to visit. In my journal, while he was here, I wrote: “There is a twenty-five-year-old young man whose character, integrity, personality, interests, and walk with the Lord all appeal to me greatly and he is here in my home! It has been a struggle for me to “go to sleep.”’ There were several times when I simply had to leave the room and pray, begging God to take away the thoughts, feelings, and desires. He was so faithful and did it each time; only, they kept coming back!

About a week and a half later, Lonnie came back for another visit; this time, his whole family came with him! During that week and a half between visits, I experienced great difficulty with thoughts and expectations. 1 realized that I was thinking about Lonnie constantly and knew that I could not have been pleasing to the Lord in doing so. Then the Lord gave me a plan. It was to turn every thought into a prayer. I now know what it means to pray without ceasing! Because I was talking to God all day, every day, I was thrust into a deeper and more personal communion with Him. I look back on that time as one of the sweetest times of fellowship with my Savior. I believe that I truly “fell in love" with Him, and the neat thing was that it was all because of Lonnie. I remember journaling that I would love to one day tell Lonnie that he caused me to fall in love with the Lord. I prayed that, someday, I would be allowed to do that in God’s will.

By the time Lonnie and his family came, the Lord had settled my heart, and I was able to freely enjoy their fellowship. I still battled expectations, but the Lord was my stay. I grew attached to them and did not want them to leave. That has been a whole year ago and I must say that in the last year I have fought and battled many times the hopes and expectations that have continually risen up within my heart. Dad has continually encouraged me to continue serving the Lord, despite my feelings.

Another entry in my journal reads: “I am learning that I must constantly yield to the Lord’s will. For me now it is to serve my family as I rest in Him. My “dreaming” mind wants to dwell on a “possibility” concerning Lonnie yet my spirit says that when I do so, I am trespassing on forbidden territory. ‘Possess my reins, 0 God.”’

You see, the Lord knew my heart and he was faithful to hold me in check. Because He knew me so well, He saw fit to teach me some things in March of this year. Through a conversation with a friend, the Lord convicted me of having misplaced loyalty and a wrong mindset, a stronghold that had to be removed. The mindset read something like this: “I know what I want and it’s Lonnie. He is the one I have prayed for. I don’t need to meet anyone else.” I really didn’t realize that the stronghold was there until then. In response to that I said my usual prayer of “Lord I give Lonnie back to you and want only Your will.” You know, I had prayed that prayer countless times before and it always “worked,” but this time it was different. He clearly told me that He was not hearing my words; rather, He was hearing my motives. It was as though He shined a spotlight on my heart and He found that I was giving him to God for the only purpose or motive of getting him back. Being terribly convicted by that, for several days 1 poured myself out broken before the Lord. It took a while to tear down the stronghold that developed over two and a half years.

After a few days of teary repentance, I finally came to the point where both my parents and I felt like my heart was free and pure. It was then that the Lord brought the final test. Some friends at church introduced me to their single friend, Kevin, and asked me to get to know him. Mom and Dad recognized it as an opportunity for the Lord to complete His breaking process in me. So, under their authority, Kevin and I got to know each other through group outings, activities, and conversations. In the two months that we were getting to know each other, I was able to completely guard my heart and did not become attached to him at all. The thoughts about Lonnie stopped and I knew I was free. Just as Lonnie had been, Kevin was a true friend and never did anything out of the bounds of pure friendship. At one point, I knew in my heart that I had gained a friend and that we would never be anything more than friends.

Then, on May 21st Lonnie and his two sisters, Lois and Ruth, came for my brother’s college graduation. He stayed here and his sisters stayed at our pastor’s house. I wasn’t sure at first if I would be all right around him. Although I knew my heart was free, I also knew that if he ever came courting, my heart would definitely run and say yes. God was so good; for the first two days, I was fine. I was able to talk to him and really enjoy him without having to battle feelings or expectations. I can honestly say that that was the very first time in two and a half years that I was able to do that.

Then, on Saturday, the day of the graduation, everything came back. All of the thoughts, desires, feelings...they were back and I could do nothing about it. It surprised me, scared me, and left me very vulnerable.

We had a picnic at our house and had invited many friends and family. Because of the condition of my heart, I could not look at Lonnie, much less talk to him. On top of all the feelings, I knew that Kevin was planning to come. My fear was that Lonnie would automatically assume that Kevin and I were a couple. If by any chance he had any intentions toward me, the discovery of Kevin would cause him to drop it forever. Then I felt guilty for having such thoughts after the Lord had broken me just two months earlier. I was a wreck!

As the Lord ordained it, Kevin did not arrive until much later in the afternoon and most of the guests had already left. It was awkward indeed to have both men in my home. I so wanted Lonnie to know that my heart was “free and unattached” but I knew that I was only aware of my feelings. Just because my own feelings were back, that certainly gave me no indication of Lonnie’s heart.

All of the young people decided to go to a baseball game that evening. Again, I was one miserable person. All I wanted to do was cry and make the feelings go away. We left the game early and when I saw the opportunity, I ran for Mom’s comfort. She loved me and kept assuring me over and over that the Lord was the possessor of each heart and knew well how to give hearts to one another without making mistakes. She said to just keep following His ways and He would take care of everything.

The next day, Sunday, I was still in bad shape. I was hoping to wake up feeling nothing, but the feelings were still there and even stronger. I cried all during Sunday school. This struggle finally reached a peak later in the afternoon. Lonnie appeared disturbed and restless. I went to the pastor’s house where his sisters were so I could spend some time with them before they left. Finally, during church that evening, peace came to my heart. I was sitting there telling the Lord my heart and apologizing for having those feelings. Very gently and softly, He said, “Stop apologizing. I put those feelings there; enjoy him.” It was then that I knew that everything was going to be OK, just like Mom had said. Sure enough, after the service I was able to talk to Lonnie with ease, and the feelings were kept at bay.

We all ate dinner at church that night. At one point during the meal, Lois and Ruth noticed that Lonnie was not in the building. I had already noticed that, but this time I took note that Dad wasn’t either. I knew what was happening. Lonnie and Dad were talking. When they did come in, they both looked so peaceful and happy. Lonnie came to our table and sat beside me. A few minutes later I was informed that I was needed in the kitchen. I walked into the kitchen to find Mom and Dad huddled in the corner smiling greatly. Then Dad told me that the one thing I had prayed for for the last two and a half years had happened. Lonnie asked for my Dad’s permission to win my heart for the purpose of marriage! At that moment I think that I experienced every emotion known to mankind. I was so thrilled and happy yet a little fearful.

After we got home, Lonnie and I went to a cafe to talk. I cannot tell you the joy that was mine when he told me how he felt and that he had felt that way for some time. I had no idea that he was struggling alongside me with the same thoughts, desires, and feelings. We were able to tell each other what things had drawn us together and clearly saw the Lord’s leading us to this courtship.

I was finally able to tell him that my heart was free and ready to be won. He told me of his own struggle with the Kevin factor. He had to get before the Lord and give me to Him one last time before the Lord released him to talk to Dad. Just as the Lord had to break me completely from Lonnie in March, the Lord had to do the same for him before he could initiate the courtship.

We have been courting four months now, and the Lord continually gives us new and fresh confirmations on this journey that we now travel together. I was humbled by a letter that we received from Lonnie’s parents. In it, they told of how the Lord led them to me as the life partner for their son. God first showed them three years ago, before I was even interested. Only God can do that!

I tell you, of all the things that the Lord has done for me, apart from salvation, this exceeds all. I am completely overwhelmed at the Lord’s goodness toward me. Lonnie is so precious and dear to me, a gift that I do not feel worthy of. I am continually amazed at His Faithfulness, Sovereignty, and Love, all of which so graciously brought and is continuing to bring two hearts together.

"Only fear the Lord and serve Him in truth with all your heart: for consider how great things He hath done for you." 1 Samuel 12:24

"For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside Thee, what He hath prepared for them that waiteth for Him." Isaiah 64:4
 
 

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  IN all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."  Proverbs 3:5-6

As a child, I was taught the importance of seeking God and doing His will. During my teen-age years I was encouraged to make a commitment to wait on the Lord and seek His best for my life in every area, including my choice of a mate. In high school, I saw the problems that resulted from typical dating relationships. Later on, I learned about the concept of courtship and saw the wisdom in abiding by those principles. They included not pursuing a relationship with a young lady until I could seriously consider marriage, then going to the young lady’s father and asking for his permission to win his daughter’s heart for marriage. I knew that I could not trust my own heart in finding a mate and determining when I was ready for marriage.  So I asked my father to direct me in those decisions. I purposed to pray that God would give wisdom and confirm His best for my life through my father’s leadership.

Of course it was not easy to wait on the Lord. As I grew older, I began to wonder if it was the Lord’s will that I remain single. I knew that I wanted a wife but I also realized that I was not prepared for marriage. Occasionally I would notice young ladies who seemed to have the character qualities that I wanted in a wife. But I never had the freedom to develop more than a casual friendship with them.

Early in 1995, while working in Louisiana for a short time, I met the Marchand family. I was impressed with their walk with the Lord and enjoyed the hospitality and friendship of the whole family. My family had the opportunity to meet the Marchands later that year and began keeping in touch with them. Some time during the next year, I began to find myself thinking often of their oldest daughter, Emily. I had already seen that she had a growing relationship with the Lord, a quiet spirit, a good attitude toward her parents, and an open submissive relationship with her father. Those were all qualities that I admired and would desire to find in the lady that I would marry. I had not been attracted to her at first, but now I found myself desiring to develop a relationship with her. At that time I knew I was not prepared for marriage so I tried to set aside those desires and was careful not to tell anyone about them. This became more and more difficult as time went on. Then I realized that desiring to have a relationship with Emily was not wrong as long as my motives were pure and I was willing to wait on God’s timing. So I began turning thoughts of Emily into prayers. Whenever thoughts of Emily would come, I would pray that the Lord would continue to draw her closer to Himself and keep her under the authority and protection of her parents. I also prayed that Emily would seek God’s best for her life and if that did not include me, then I did not want to do anything to keep her from that.

Finally, in February of 1998, my father came to me and said that he felt that I was ready to begin a courtship. When I asked him if he had anyone in mind, his answer was, “Emily Marchand.” You can imagine how wonderful it was to have my own unspoken desires confirmed by my father’s counsel. At first I had doubts. I asked him why he thought that the Marchands would be open to me asking to court their daughter. He replied that he was sure that they would be willing and suggested that I pray about it and follow the Lord’s leading. You can be sure I spent much time in prayer.

Then in May I had the opportunity to visit the Marchands with my sisters for a weekend. I had decided to talk to Mr. Marchand before I left. All weekend I was praying and trying to be open to the Lord’s direction. The Lord tested me, Saturday night, when another young man showed up at the Marchand’s home. I began to think that possibly Emily was already involved in a courting relationship. Right away I began to question God. Why did you bring me this far just to see this? Why did you allow my father to direct me to Emily if she was not the one for me? Finally, the Lord gave me peace and caused me to realize that, if this other fellow was God’s best for Emily, then I should rejoice knowing that my prayers for her had been answered. Later that evening I found out that the relationship that I had assumed existed between Emily and the young man simply did not. So the Lord gave assurance that the door was open for me to seek Mr. Marchand’s permission to court his daughter. Sunday night I talked to Mr. Marchand and he gave his approval for me to court Emily. That evening Emily and I went out together and we were able to share with each other how God had led us into courtship at that time. I was amazed to learn that while I had been struggling with desires in my heart towards Emily, she had been struggling with the same desires in her heart towards me. In His perfect time, God brought us together in courtship.

Since then we have continued to grow in our relationship with each other and we have been able to encourage each other in our walk with the Lord. Now we look forward with excitement to what the Lord has prepared for us in the years ahead.

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37:4-5

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